Well I made it back to NB and I've tried to write this post at least 5 times but end up distracted by something mundane and lose my motivation and train of thought. Anyway, I'm home, as I said already, but I think I was happier out west if that's in any way believable. Since I've gotten back it's like I'm in a black hole. There's nothing here for me anymore and I'm not sure why I came back anymore. I don't know what I thought I was coming home TO but it's not here. Being back around family is nice I suppose but I find little satisfaction in every day life. I suppose it's the total lack of goals that makes the difference. When I was in Alberta my never ending goal was to come home, now that I'm home I've run out of things to strive for.

Anyway, so I'm fed up with people. I try to help people as much and as often as I can and ask nothing in return. How do people repay this help you ask? By fucking up and doing the same things over again that got them into the situations I helped them out of. Why the fuck do I even bother anymore?? Why am I drawn to perpetual fuckups? I thought that was something women did. Actually... that's exactly what they do, refer to the beginning of this paragraph and read through for eternity to get a better grasp of what I deal with on a daily basis.

So... what's next? I've got some things to take care of around here that will keep me busy until late fall. After that if the economy has picked up again, I'll probly head back out west again to give it another shot. This time will be significantly different and less stressful so I might actually enjoy myself on the second tour of duty in the patch.

My back hurts. Been killing me for the last week or so. I'm beginning to think that something might seriously be wrong with it which concerns me to no end. I really can't afford to be having these issues right now. Once I'm again, I got distracted.

Not done ranting, but posting anyway